After I spotted one of the real housewives of nyc in the Hamptons I started looking at the bravo page of the show and I had to start laughing hysterically that bravo considers toaster oven maven a profession. Really?

I say to my friend, "Here's a real estate magazine with all the listings in the Hamptons. Check it out for an affordable place." She says, "Honey. If I'm gonna get a place, it won't be affordable."

I saw an advertisement on hamptons website that said Kosher Music. How could music be Kosher? Well some people do eat their words!

For the second time in a row I go to a Dunkin Donuts in South and I ask for a coffee and A munchkin. In response, the food service worker gives me six extra donuts. I'm figuring the possible causes of this event are (1) I look like I'm fading away to nothing and in desperate need of sustenance. (2) The food service worker doesn't understand English. (3) The food service resents working late and is giving me three day old donuts.

I usually like to try and cheer up retail workers. I say to one retail worker at 11 at night : I guess lots of people come here at night to the 24 hour CVS. She says dully, "yeh.". Then I say, "What is the most common item bought?". She replies, " Cigarettes." I say, "And then beer." "Yeh. I guess,"she replies expressionless and animation less. Then I say, "I guess the next most commonly purchased item is condoms." THEN she laughs.

A true Barnes and Noble interaction. A woman goes up to a man and goes so , "they didn't throw you out yet?". He says, "Are you really staying with me." She says, "Only for a half an hour." He says, "What a tease!" . She says, "A half an hour is hardly a tease!".

The Hamptons in a Nutshell

Are you going to the Hamptons and not sure where to stay. Here is a a brief summary of each area in the Hamptons. Those of you who are lucky enough to be able to afford a home in the Hamptons, please don't take offense to any of this. Westhampton, Quogue, Remsenburg, Speonk area- Families. Most laid back. NO pressure for proper comportment or to look fancy but still haute couture. Southampton- Old money. Children should be seen not heard. Easthampton- Very new money. Land of the celebrity obsessed. Water Mill/ Sag Harbor- European, very hip and cool people. Shelter Island- A bizarre place of farmland with a euro task club sandwiched in the middle. Center Moriches/ Easport/ Manorville- trying to live down their reputation as white trash. Mastic/ Shirley- Townie country. Where most of the workers live.